I have so much to learn

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I have so much to learn in this life of faith.

I’m going through some intensely difficult struggles right now, circumstances that try me to the core. Much of what I’m struggling with is nothing new, but the intensity and the pressure of it just seem to have ratcheted up to a higher level, testing me in every way. Or maybe it’s just the fact that those struggles are still here and I am heartily sick and tired of dealing with them over and over and over again.

I pray, but not as frequently as I should. I read my Bible, but again, not as much as I should. I feel so down and out that it is hard to even speak, to articulate, what I’m feeling.

There are some things that really speak to me in the middle of all of this, that help me to hang on. One is Christian radio. I listen to K-LOVE, just about every time I go anywhere in the car. Another is daily reading of an old standby, Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowman. It seems like some days, the devotional reading is picked exactly for me and for the things that I am struggling with.

Today’s reading is a good example:

Often it is simply the answers to our prayers that cause many of the difficulties of the Christian life. We pray for patience, and our Father sends demanding people our way who test us to the limit…suffering produces perseverance (Romans 5:3). We pray for a submissive spirit, and God sends suffering again, for we learn to be obedient in the same way Christ “learned obedience from what he suffered.” (Hebrews 5:8).

We pray to be unselfish, and God gives us opportunities to sacrifice by placing other people’s needs first and by laying down our lives for other believers.

There’s more. I could quote the whole reading and every bit of it resonates and fits exactly with how I’m feeling today.

I’ve always prided myself in my ability to learn new things, to adapt and adjust. But honestly, in this life of faith, I think I am about the dumbest, most hard-headed student there is. All I can do is just ask, God, please help me.

A rare respite from work

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I’ve had a rare respite from work, having taken Friday off as a vacation, and tomorrow (Monday) as well. It’s given me a chance to just doodle around a bit. I should be more productive, heaven knows there are two bazillion things around the house needing my attention!

Instead, I’ve doodled around with old videos, which I’ve edited and uploaded to my YouTube Channel. I’ve laughed and cried as I watched and relived some highlights from when the kids were little. There is a ton of video footage to go through and I don’t have the patience to go through them all and upload them one by one.

Another thing I’ve done is looked around for a new, used bike. The one I bought years ago, in the mid-90s, has a twisted back wheel frame, which makes it pretty useless. I figured it would be less expensive to buy a used one, or a cheap new one, so on Friday we looked at various stores like Wal-Mart, Target, and Sears. All of the ones I saw there were too expensive or not the kind I wanted. So I turned to Craigslist and quickly found a used bike for sale nearby that fit the bill. I went and bought it yesterday. It was freezing cold and overcast, so I didn’t feel like going for a long bike ride, but still took some time to go on a quick ride with the kids on a nearby walking/biking trail. They thought that was thrilling :-) but were very disappointed that I didn’t want to go for a longer ride. I froze my fanny off!

I can’t wait to find a used bike rack for the van so that we can take all of our bikes with us and do more biking together in interesting places around the area. There are a lot of nice trails but we’ve never done something like that as a family. Michele has a bike in the garage that we bought for her years ago, while we lived in Indiana, that she’s never ridden. I’ll need to get that out and fill up the tires, oil the chains, and so forth so that she can take it for a spin. It’ll be fun to get some exercise as a family.

Tomorrow we plan to spend the day with my mother, who is in the area visiting with friends. The younger ones are really excited about that.

Celebrating ten years of blogging!

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On this date exactly ten years ago, I started this blog. Check out my very first post written, like this one, on Tax Day in the U.S.A. At least that makes it easy for me to remember :-)

Soooo much has happened over those years. Unfortunately, I don’t post as often as I should anymore.

Much of the early days was taken up with a more personal journal style of blogging. I miss that a lot. I’m glad I have those posts to look back on, and occasionally I go back to read some of them. They stir up a lot of memories. Today, the blog has transformed into infrequent commentary on things I feel strongly about.

I have every intent of keeping FML going into the future, and who knows, maybe spending more time here. Thank you to (the very few) who have kept up with me all those years!

The ballad of the dead iMac

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Recently I started to notice problems with the hard drive on our 2008 24″ iMac. Concerned that it was starting to fail, we decided to purchase a new hard drive that I planned to install myself. And not just any hard drive, but a solid state drive (SSD), which would hopefully boost performance significantly even though it is fairly expensive.

Well, the SSD was duly purchased and on Wednesday evening, I took the leap of faith and decided to dismantle the iMac to install the new drive. I had carefully researched how to do this via some helpful articles available on the Internet. The only thing I had ever replaced on the iMac before this was the RAM, and that is relatively painless and idiotproof.

I thought everything went swimmingly. I got the old drive out, put the new drive in (complete with a new holder since the new drive was 2.5″ whereas the old one was 3.5″), put everything back together again, and hopefully pushed the power button. Everything seemed to work ok except for one big thing: the screen was black. No matter what I tried, nothing showed on the screen.

Maybe I simply missed plugging in something? Or put something back wrong after taking it apart? Over the next few days, I managed to take the iMac apart half a dozen times but the end result was always the same: the black screen. Talk about frustrating and disappointing! We now have gone from an iMac that worked but appeared to be ailing, to one that is completely nonfunctional. We can’t afford to get another one for months yet. I’m really bummed.

Enhanced version of Dauphin Island photos

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Thanks to the new version of iPhoto for iOS, I’ve managed to load an enhanced version of our Dauphin Island photos that includes a nicer interface for browsing through the photos, better visual arrangement, and inclusion of several video clips. Click here to have a look. I’ve discovered that this site won’t work in all environments so if you have trouble accessing it, please leave a comment and I’ll see what I can do.

The end of academic librarianship, or, Harvard faces reality

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The headline is tongue-in-cheek because I don’t believe it’s the end of academic librarianship. But I read the breathless, frenzied reaction to the latest news about the Harvard Library reorganization plan a few days ago, seen via Google+ and Twitter, with a jaundiced view.

The latest in a series of town hall meetings about the reorganization plan for library staff set off the fireworks on Thursday. One of the primary reporters of the news started her report with the dramatic statement that “The nature of academic and research librarianship changed today.” Um, no. A more accurate statement would have been: “The nature of Harvard libraries is finally catching up to realities everyone else has faced for years.”

I don’t want to seem insensitive to the real anxieties and concerns from those staff who are affected by the coming changes. It is worrisome and the prospect of losing one’s job, especially these days and wherever one is employed, is definitely upsetting. However, the idea that in this development, Harvard is leading a wave of change for the rest of academic librarianship is laughable.

From reading various accounts, it seems like the situation was mishandled. What is particularly telling is a report from a librarian in attendance that for most of the questions asked of them by staff, administrators could not or would not provide specific answers. (Hm, that sounds familiar.)  Sometimes there is no easy way to communicate difficult news, but it is all too easy for administrators in any library or workplace to seriously botch an attempt at communicating major changes to staff.

The other thing that strikes me about the whole saga is how long it has taken for Harvard to get this far. The reorg plan has been in the works for over two years, apparently. I find that amazing. Sure, Harvard is big and academic environments are notoriously slow in their decision-making, but I think a lengthy timeline for major change dramatically increases the chances of disillusionment and discouragement for staff and significantly reduces the ultimate effectiveness of the proposed change. I can say this from direct experience.

One other point: I’ve read a few tweets from academic librarians, reacting to the Harvard news, along the lines of “Thank goodness I have tenure…” Nonsense. If we think of tenure as our security blanket then we shouldn’t have the tenure system at all. One person tweeted thankfulness for tenure not because of job security but because it gave her a voice in decisions at her institution. Let me tell you, if you need tenure to give you a voice or a say, then it’s not worth having. You should have ways to make yourself heard and to have influence without a tenure crutch. For example, for libraries, you should be clearly able to justify your existence by the excellent service you provide all of your users. You should be able to accurately demonstrate the wisdom of the ways in which you have spent the money you have been given. You should be able to prove beyond question the value that you add. If you can’t or don’t, you don’t deserve your job or career at all, and tenure has nothing to do with it.

I have worked in academic libraries for most of my career, although I currently work in a corporate library. Corporate and other special libraries face uncertainties and pressures like those at Harvard all the time. Many of them don’t exist at all any more. In my own situation, the company where I work will be splitting in two later this year and there is huge uncertainty about whether and how the library function will continue to exist. I think it would be foolish to assume that a centralized library function in either of the newly formed companies formed from the split is a given. In fact, I’m not counting on having a job after the next six months. If I do, great, if I don’t, well, I’ll have to move on to something else.

The point is, this is the way things are in the real world. Most other academic libraries have faced painful and debilitating reductions in headcount and service for many years. The news coming out of Harvard just seems to me to show that it is finally, slowly, facing some of the same pressures as everyone else.

Ways to handle job dissatisfaction

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These days, with relatively high unemployment, those who have a job at all should consider themselves fortunate. Even so, it seems job dissatisfaction is rampant.

People who wax lyrical about how they can’t believe they get paid to do what they love make me ill. I don’t care how much you love your job — and by the way, congratulations on that and I hope it lasts — there will come a time when your job will get you down. Guaranteed.

When this happens, it’s really important to a.) not be surprised and b.) figure out ways to cope. Below are some common sense tips based on my own experience for making it through those times when you just wish you could quit your job, but can’t. These are things I’m still learning myself.

1.) Accept this as something normal and cyclical. I don’t mean to come across as inherently cynical and negative, but I do think we should just accept that there are peaks and valleys in our work lives, just as in our personal lives. When disappointment at work comes, too often we think we’re the only ones who’ve ever experienced this. We think we’re alone. That’s not true. Everyone experiences dissatisfaction at work at some point or another. It’s important to understand this.

2.) Find something to do that will give you satisfaction. One literary work that I often refer back to from my undergraduate liberal arts education is Voltaire’s Candide. I don’t remember the whole story but I do remember the overall theme of cultivating our own gardens, and this has stuck with me. There is very little in our lives over which we have control, but if we narrow our focus for a time on something specific, and cultivate that work area with success, it’s surprising how much that can help us to eventually re-emerge with a more positive attitude.

3.) Focus outside of yourself. If you’re like me, frustration at work can consume you and make you inwardly focused. This isn’t healthy at all. There is always someone else who is in a worse situation. I don’t care what you’re going through, someone else is going through something worse than that, and although sometimes hard to accept, you need to remember this. Better still, reach out to other people in general and help them. Get your mind off of yourself. I believe we aren’t truly happy or satisfied with whatever we do unless we learn to freely give of ourselves to others.

4.) Keep your eyes open for other opportunities. Early on in my library career, I made a habit out of trolling standard job ad sites, not because I was continually searching for a better job, but because I found job postings interesting and informative to watch over time. I’ve stuck with that habit all these years and I think it’s a good one because it helps me to see where my chosen profession is heading; what the trends are; what opportunities might be available. If you have your eyes set on the long term and you pay attention to trends, you can work out ways to ensure that you gain requisite experience or how you can eventually move on to a better job opportunity.

5.) Lean on your network for support. My chosen profession, library and information science, is really a small world. Everyone tends to know everyone else. Spend time getting to know other people in your career by actively participating in professional societies or organizations, and look for ways to network with others in your work area. This doesn’t have to be as self-serving and shallow as it sounds. When you go through a rough patch in your career, it’s amazing how much it helps to have colleagues and friends to turn to who can provide you with a sounding board, or even help you find that next great job. This ties into #3 above as well, because you may be asked to be that support to someone else some day.

6.) Realize there is a reason for this season. Something I’ve greatly struggled with when I get frustrated and dissatisfied with my job is understanding the Why? Why is this happening (again)? What good does this do? I believe God has His hand over every detail of our lives and I am slowly learning to accept that there is a reason for this trial, for that difficult situation. I need to truly cast all my cares on Him and remember that He is in charge, He is the one who guides my footsteps. Maybe that’s the main reason why He allows me (or you) to encounter difficulties. It’s a reminder that all things are in His hands.

7.) Be thankful for what you have. It’s incredibly hard to be thankful when you face trials in work or any other part of your life. But as mentioned in #3, there are always other people who face worse things. Practice being thankful for what you have. Consciously take the time to count your blessings, even if you don’t feel like it. Do this as often as possible. Remember all the good things you have and how you’ve made it through previous problems. It’s amazing how this can help adjust your attitude and expectations.

Face it, work can be very dissatisfying. There is no “silver bullet” or simple solution to make things better. The seven points I’ve listed above help me to get through; maybe they’ll help you, too.

The governance farce

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In academia, we call it committee work; in corporate areas, it is the same thing, just called something different: governance.

I read about the importance of governance everywhere I turn. I am actively involved in several governance groups in my current job. I’m here to tell you it’s all a farce.

I have yet to see an example of an effective, well-run governance group in all my years of experience. I don’t quibble with the general idea behind it but I think in most regards, it’s simply a cop-out on the part of higher level management, who often go ahead and do whatever it is they think best anyway, disregarding whatever the governance group recommends.

I realize this makes me sound quite cynical. I prefer to call it realistic; telling it like it is.