Almost every post Meredith Farkas writes provides plentiful food for thought. She has a real talent for expressing her views and thoughts and for digging deeper into “big issues” than many others. Recently she wrote about all of the success she has already had professionally and identifies some of the factors that have helped her in her career thus far. One of the main factors, she writes, is the willingness to take risks.
I agree with her on this. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. When I look back on the past sixteen years of being a professional librarian and on what events or involvements I am most proud of, they all involved taking a risk. I well remember how nervous I was when taking on a fairly major management position after only about three years of being a serials cataloger (which was my first full-time job, ever). I literally lay awake at night worrying myself sick, wondering, what on earth had I gotten myself into?! It was definitely a trial by fire. There were significant conflicts and problems needing to be effectively dealt with literally from day one. One of the mandates I was given was to completely revamp workflow so that my unit would not only be able to keep up with current receipts (i.e. no adding to backlogs), but to also reduce and get rid of longstanding backlogs, and do all of this with fewer staff than my predecessor. Because of the quality of the people with whom I worked, these goals were met and a lot of progress was made. But there was not one day that went by that I didn’t feel nervous or worried about my responsibilities. It was all worth it, though. I grew personally and professionally by leaps and bounds.
Then there was the opportunity to lead a major professional library organization, which I’ve talked about a bit in the past. I had never dreamed it would be possible to be nominated, let alone elected. Yet I went ahead and agreed to be put on the ballot, anyway, in spite of others whom I respect telling me that I shouldn’t expect to get elected given the caliber of the person I was running against. I thought, why not? If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t, well, it would be good experience either way. To my delight and shock, I won. I was the youngest elected president in NASIG’s history (I think I still hold that particular record); I had no prior Board experience; everyone else with whom I would be working was deeply experienced and significantly older than I was at the time. I think the Board member (Carol Diedrichs, now Dean of Libraries at Kentucky) who was nearest to me in age was ten years my senior. This is not a bragging session but rather a way to make clear just how big of a risk this was for me. I was delighted, yes, but completely, utterly terrified as well. It was one of those situations where you need to be careful what you wish for, because you might get it.
A third milestone event involving a big risk on my part was agreeing to teach a class in the distance education curriculum at my alma mater, UIUC GSLIS. This class had been taught before but I basically had to start from scratch to create the course. Again (and honestly, this is no exaggeration) I was terrified. I can’t tell you how many times I mentally kicked myself, saying to myself, “Why oh why did you ever agree to do this!” The fear of failure was so all-consuming. I lost countless hours of sleep. I couldn’t eat sometimes, I felt so nervous. And that was just before the class started. When I had to do the class every week, each time was like the first time and I was nervous, self-doubting, and upset every time. I would get home from work and after Michele and the children were in bed, I’d go and work on the class until two or three a.m. I managed to survive for about five weeks of this, and then I became really, really sick with meningitis and ended up in the hospital, twice. Because of the love and kindness of others who stepped in and helped me out, I was able to get better and finish the course. I felt that I had done a terrible job but at least I had done it. I went on to teach that course two more times. It got a little easier with time but it still felt like a huge risk.
I have to say that there were other risks I took where there was significant failure on my part. For example, one of my best library friends asked me to co-author a book with her, and I agreed. Yet instead of fulfilling my responsibilities, I largely left her in the lurch. I’m still trying to get over the guilt of that experience and it happened years ago. Sadly, that isn’t the only example of failure.
Aside from this blog, I have largely withdrawn from direct, active participation in the profession. My choice. But I want to point out that risk-taking didn’t end there.
A tumultuous and highly risky decision I made in the early 90s was to leave the Christian fellowship in which I had been raised since I was a baby. Repercussions of this decision exist even today and probably will bother me all of my life. I completely left the society and “comfort zone” that I had known and functioned within all of my life.
There was more change to come a few years later. Probably the riskiest thing I ever did in my whole life was to ask Michele if she’d go out on a date with me and then, within a short time after that first date, I asked her to marry me. Incredibly, Michele (and Keegan, whose permission I asked for) said Yes. As a result, in one fell swoop I took on the role of husband AND father, two things I had never done before. These roles have dominated my life since, and I have no regrets at all. Each additional child we were blessed with was yet another step into the unknown in so many ways. Moving several times, taking new and different jobs, were all involved in the risks I’ve taken in recent years.
How grateful I am to have even had these opportunities! Many of them were presented to me, but also, many of them were opportunities I actively pursued.
It’s not all been successful. I have failed miserably more times than I can count. But I have also enjoyed success (although I’d define “success” in a much more well-rounded way than some). I have experienced things I would never experience if I hadn’t stepped out in faith and told myself, Give it a try!
